


The Courage of Stars

by Vaguely_downwards



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Kingsley and Remus being bros, Multi, The Order of the Phoenix - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:06:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23807368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vaguely_downwards/pseuds/Vaguely_downwards
Summary: A series of one shots surrounding the members of the Order of the Phoenix, and the lives they lead when Harry isn't around.First chapter: Tonks & Mad Eye Brotp
Relationships: Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody & Nymphadora Tonks, Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 48





	1. Am I Dead?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2nd February 1997

The room was destroyed.  
Not a single piece of furniture nor a single beam left standing to prove to anyone it had even ever been a room, much less a child's bedroom. The ceiling had caved in completely, littering the floor with sharp shards of wood and plaster board. The windows were gone, the glass turned to sand before it even hit the floor. Smoke filled the air in plumes as the debris continued to smoulder and burn. And there, in the centre bleeding profusely from a cut on her forehead, stood Nymphadora Tonks. Her robes were bloody, torn in places, burnt in others. A thick layer of dust covered her from head to toe, her limp mousy hair turned grey by the clumps of plaster. A flash of green illuminated the scene as the Dark Mark appeared to loom ominously overhead, casting ghastly shadows on the remains of the walls.  
  
Status. Location.  
Status. Location.  
The ringing in her ears reached fever pitch as Tonks stared around at the damage that seemed to swim in the air before her.  
Status. Location.  
But she couldn’t think, could barely breathe.  
Status. Location.  
Status. Location.  
Mad eyes voice seemed to creep into her mind unbidden “There are two, TWO, questions you need to ask when you get caught out girl, just two. None of this status bullshit. Am I Dead? Am I in Danger?”  
Right.  
Am I Dead?, she thought.  
Not if the pounding of her heart against her chest was anything to go by.  
Am I in Danger?  
**AM** I in Danger?

  
The events of the evening seemed to rush forward to meet her, knocking her down to her knees. The tip off. The orphanage…The screams.  
  
The last few months had been rough, undeniably rough.  
Between work and the order, Tonks couldn’t really remember the last time she had managed to get a full nights sleep, the last time she’d felt SAFE enough to get a full nights sleep. She had been dozing at her desk in the dingy room the ministry had provided at the Hogs Head when Robards, The new Head of the Auror Office and long time pain in her arse, had appeared in the fire to tell her there had been an anonymous tip off about a death eater attack planned for that evening. An attack on a muggle orphanage.  
“I know it’s probably a hoax, but I want you to patrol the area tonight, just be on the look out. Like I said, probably nothing, why would the death eaters tell us their plans in advance. It’s not how they work, and I said this to Shacklebolt but he said we need to still be alert. Someone needs to remind him who the head of this office is, because it’s not him that’s for su-“  
“I’m not supposed to be working tonight.” Tonks had interjected dully.  
“Well you are now.” Robards had retorted, before he pulled his head out of the fire and disappeared from sight.

The Tip off. It had been right on every detail. First Tonks had watched as the masked figures crashed through the windows of the building, its very foundations shaking. Then she had ran. Tonks had sprinted throughout the house, grabbing as many as she could from the fray, shield charms at the ready. Fires erupted, burning and destroying all in its sight. The high maniacal cackle of her aunt seemed to ricochet throughout the place, bouncing off the crumbling walls, mocking her as it delighted in the panic of the children around her. Tonks had chased them through out the house, throwing curses and jinxes and hexes as she went. And then, with a crash that brought down the ceiling, they were gone.

Pulling herself together, Tonks swiped an angry hand across the blood dripping down her forehead. There were still people in the house when the roof came down. She had to help them. She began to stumble over the ruble, hands shaking as grasped her wand ever tighter. Her eyes scanned over the floor, searching for any hint that someone had survived, that someone, anyone, was buried below.  
“Tonks?!”  
She ignored the voice.  
“Tonks?!”  
She ignored them again, pulling up splintered planks of wood, chucking them over her shoulder as she continued to dig for survivors.  
“Tonks!” Hands grabbed her roughly from behind, pulling her up in a bone crushing embrace. “Oh god …you’re okay”  
Feeling Kingsley’s frenzied breath against her neck did nothing to comfort the swirling guilt and anguish that was beginning build in her chest. Of course she was okay, but she didn’t matter. They didn’t have time for this, every second that they wasted someone else Tonks couldn’t save could be dying. Again. Tonks began to push against the arms holding her, trying to escape the embrace.  
“Let me go Kingsley, I need to…. We’ve got to…. I couldn’t get them out”  
“I know.”

Sat in The Burrow's garden 45 minutes later, with bruise salve cooling on her forehead and a cigarette hanging between her shaking fingers, Tonks was still angry. But anger, she reasoned, meant she didn’t have to feel the guilt that threatened to overwhelm her. The same guilt that had threatened to overwhelm her since Sirius was killed. Since SHE had gotten Sirius killed. She could hear someone making their way towards her across the grass. She prayed it wasn’t Molly again. As much as she loved the woman, and as much as she appreciated everything she had done for her in the long months since Remus had dumped her and ran away on a suicide mission, she didn’t think she could survive the pity in her eyes.  
“What do you think you could have done?” Mad Eye stared down at her.  
She didn’t reply.  
Behind her eyelids she could see the line of tiny bodies that Kingsley had walked her past, could see the disappointment on Mad Eye’s face as he realised that she had done it again. That it was her fault people died, _again_.  
“I mean it lass, What do you think you could have done?”  
Again, she didn’t reply.  
“It was you versus six of the maddest of the bastards. What do you think you alone could have done?”  
Opening her eyes, Tonks looked Moody in the face. She saw the concern and the undeniable disappointment he felt as looked down upon his protégée. Some protégée. As if Mad Eye would have let this happen. As if Mad Eye would have let any of them die. She couldn’t bear to look anymore.  
“Answer me lass”  
Something inside her snapped.  
“I DON’T KNOW. SOMETHING. ANYTHING.” Standing up she rounded on Moody and allowed the anger to fuel her as she shook. ‘I SAW THEM GOING IN AND I JUST… I JUST STOOD THERE MAD EYE. I JUST STOOD THERE. I SHOULD HAVE GOT THEM OUT, I SHOULD CAUGHT THEM I SHOULD HAVE - ” the fire seemed to extinguish at once, the fight leaving as quickly as it had entered. “I should have helped them”  
If Mad Eye had been alarmed by the sudden outburst, he hadn’t told his face. Both eyes, normal and magical, stared down at her, expression unchanging.  
“Do you know how many people were in that building tonight?”  
Tonks shook her head.  
“50. Do you know how many made it out alive?”  
She shook her again. She didn’t want to know.  
“46. 46 people made it out of there because of you.” I  
f this was supposed to help, supposed to alleviate any of the clenching in her stomach or the pressure on her chest, It didn’t.  
“4 people”  
“I know it aint nice lass. It’s never gonna be nice. But 4 people in comparison to the number that would have died if you hadn’t been there to help…You can’t save everyone and trying is only going to drive you mad. Trust me. This is war girl, people get hurt. There are people who won’t survive, count yourself lucky that you weren’t one them. You did good”  
They lapsed into silence. Tonks reached into her pocket, pulling out 2 cigarettes. She handed one to Mad Eye before resting the other in her mouth and lighting it with her wand.  
Bloody hell, she must be mess, She thought, as Mad Eye accepted the offer, lighting it with a snap of his fingers.  
“Show off”  
Mad Eye let out a puff of air that may have been an attempt at a laugh. Or as close to a laugh as Mad Eye ever got.

The silence stretched our before them. Tonks, once again lost in her thoughts. He was right. Logistically she knew that, had been taught that by Moody himself. But the fatigue weighed down her muscles and slowed her mind until she was left with nothing but the conviction that all of this was her fault. It was her fault that Sirius had died. It was her fault that she had held Emmeline as the life slowly drained from her, unable to help her in any other way. Maybe it her fault that they didn’t find Amelia Bones until it was too late, if she had got there faster maybe she would still be alive. And it was certainly her fault that Remus had left, left for a suicide mission that took him hundreds of miles away from her, leaving her unsure if he was even alive until he turned up at the odd Order meeting - skinnier and more ragged looking than ever. In her dreams he never makes it to the meetings. In her dreams she watches as they bring his body in, dragging it from whichever ditch Greyback and his cronies had flung it in.  
As if reading her mind, Mad Eye broke the quiet.  
“When was the last time you slept, Tonks? Properly slept”  
She realised then that didn’t have an answer to give him.  
She shrugged. She could never lie to Mad Eye.  
“They still have you stationed in Hogsmeade?”  
“Yeah, Housing in the Hogs Head…I should be getting back, patrol early in the morning” She mumbled, reaching to pull her cloak more firmly around her shoulders to disguise the shiver that ran up her spine. The nightmares would be killer tonight.  
Stilling, Tonks could feel Mad eyes gaze against the side of her head.  
“No.” She turned quickly to face to him. “you’re coming back with me tonight”  
“What… why?”  
There was an emotion in his eye that she couldn’t quite place and certainly not one she’d ever seen from Mad Eye. When he spoke his voice was thick with it.  
“I don’t want you on your own tonight”

Later, after he had shot down her protests and assured her this wasn’t pity, Moody sat at his desk writing a report on the evenings events for Dumbledore as Tonks drifted fitfully in and out of sleep. His magical eye never left her, and if she minded she didn’t say. He was on guard. He remembered what this was like, the first time he’d properly experienced war, the feeling of not being safe enough anywhere, always having to watch his back and listen out for movement outside the door (of course, he had stayed that way). He’d wanted to shield her from it. Even though it was his idea to induct her into the Order, he regretted it every time he heard she was in danger. Every time he looked into those lifeless eyes, once so bright with mischief, he fought with himself to send her home. But home, now an empty room above a pub, was half the problem. With its creaking walls and constant trickle of patrons (and Dawlish) it was doing her far more harm than she’d admit. And they both knew it.

“You did good tonight lass.” He murmured, careful not to wake her up, unsure how to say the words if she could hear them. “you did good. Saved a lot of people. Did me proud.”

And Nymphadora Tonks smiled in her sleep and, for the first time in months, did not dream.


	2. She Knew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the day after the full moon, but Remus has a meeting that will change his life. 
> 
> Remus/Tonks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 25th June 1995

Remus Lupin lay flat on his back on the grim covered floor of his bedroom in Grimmauld Place, blinking rapidly at the ceiling above him. His walk to the shower momentarily halted by his legs inability to behave like legs and his head swimming. It had been the first full moon in Grimmauld Place. The first full moon with Padfoot by his side and optimistically, or foolishly, Remus had been convinced that this time would be different. Of course he had been wrong. Padfoot or no Padfoot, transforming into a werewolf was always painful - always absolutely horrible. The shifting and rearranging of bones and the twang of muscles as they snapped into place, the ripping of skin. Still, waking up, sweating and aching, to see Sirius’ face swimming before him as he had helped him up off the floor of the basement and half carried the delirious werewolf to his bed had been a welcome relief.  
Yet here he lay, debating the conflicting merits of being sick and not being sick and wishing he had simply stayed in bed.  
But he couldn’t.  
There was an important order meeting this evening with Mad Eye’s new recruit and, in Remus’ opinion, It was bad enough that she would inevitably know he was a werewolf without making it obvious by missing the meeting.  
And she would know.  
He was sure of it.  
Ever since his brief stint at Hogwarts more and more people had known what he was before he had had the chance to say it. More and more people equating his name with werewolf before they had spoken to him, making it impossible to get a job, making it impossible to do…well anything. He was becoming rather infamous. He hated it.  
The new recruit had sounded interesting however, recommended by Alastor Moody himself which was practically unheard of. Even Alice and Frank Longbottom, the best aurors Remus had ever met, were scarce to receive any such compliments.  
“Balls of steel and a heart of gold. I’ll say no more than that.”  
Coming from Alastor Moody he might well have proclaimed this mysterious auror a god in her own right, and Remus, despite himself, had found himself rather eager to at least pretend to make a good impression. Or as good of an impression as he ever could. So, with that in mind, the battered werewolf had steeled himself against the violent churning in his gut and, willing his legs to work, dragged himself off the bedroom floor and into the bathroom.

“OIT. MOONY”  
Remus closed his eyes. If he just pretended he couldn’t hear him, maybe he’d simply go away. Not that Remus particularly wanted Sirius to go away, but he had been unprecedentedly excited about the evening's meeting and it was beginning to grate on him.  
“You’re awake, I know you’re awake” Footsteps as he entered the room, coming to stop in front of the couch that Remus had collapsed onto.  
“…No I’m not Sirius”  
Opening one eye a fraction, Remus took in Sirius’ concerned expression as he surveyed him.  
“No, you probably shouldn’t be”  
“What’s that supposed to mean?”  
“It means, Moony my old friend, That you look like death’s already had it’s wicked way with you once this afternoon and you’re preparing for another go round.”  
“…thanks Padfoot”  
“Any time mate.” He pushed Remus’ feet on the couch as he came to sit beside him. “Seriously, you should go back to bed. Last night seemed rough.”  
“I’m fine.” came the blunt response as Remus closed his eyes again to stop the onslaught of nausea that washed over him.  
“Moony, you’re not-“  
“I’m fine.”  
“Remus”  
“Sirius.” Despite the 12 years apart and despite having his eyes firmly shut, Remus knew Sirius was glaring at him.  
“Alright fine. I’ll drop it. But I’m not happy about it”  
“Thank you. Excited about the new recruit then?”  
“Oh yeah, She’s Andromeda’s daughter you know. You remember Andromeda?” At Remus’ blank look he continued. “Favourite cousin, married that muggleborn Hufflepuff, ah… what was his name… Ted? Thats it. Ted Tonks. Blasted her straight off the family tree just before I started Hogwarts.”  
“Ah.”  
“yeah so, she’s her daughter. Old Mad Eye reckons she’s as nuts as a box of cats, we could do with a few more aurors, and it’d be nice to…” Sirius trailed away.  
“To have someone in this house you’re related to that you don’t hate?” Remus suggested, opening his eyes to offer Sirius a reassuring grin.  
“That’s the one.” He pushed himself off of the couch standing to stare down at him. “Any way Moody’s bringing her round soon to meet everyone before the meeting, I take it you’re attempting to come?”  
“Of course. I’ll be down when they get here.”  
Sirius crossed to the door, stopping to lean gracefully against the door frame.  
“You know, no one would think badly if you didn’t come…I’m gonna make you something to eat.”  
Remus groaned low in his throat, his stomach flipping, as he resumed his staring contest with the ceiling. Of all the times for Sirius Black to grow an ounce of compassion.

At 7:30 that evening, finally showered, fed, and standing up independently, Remus Lupin made his way steadily down the creaking stairs to the kitchen as hushed voices crept their way up to meet him.  
“Evening Sirius.”  
“Alright, Alastor.”  
Remus came to join them in the hall, eyeing the portrait of Walburga Black with wary eyes. Sure, they had managed to cover her with a curtain they found in the attic, but Remus wasn’t sure his throbbing head could take it if she started her tirade again this evening.  
“Lupin.”  
“Good evening Alastor.” He inclined his head towards the old auror. Moody eyed him suspiciously as he came to lean against the bannister, taking in the dark circles round his eyes. Alastor had always been unnervingly kind about his lycanthropy, all things considered.  
“No trouble then?”  
“No trouble. Not our first rodeo Mad Eye. So… Where is she?” Sirius asked, craning his neck to see past Moody.  
As if on command, the door clicked and then crept open again with a slow creak, revealing a young woman in scarlet auror robes. She had a pale heart shaped face framed with electric blue hair, and, even as they roamed over the dim hallway, Remus could tell her eyes were twinkling.  
“Get in and shut the door Tonks for god sake. Come on then.” Introductions decidedly for lesser wizards, Moody turned on his heel and stumped down the corridor to the kitchen. If Remus didn’t know any better, and unfortunate previous experience had meant that he did, he would have said that Sirius was actually nervous. Maybe the woman could tell this as well for she rolled her eyes at Moody’s back before turning to offer Sirius a bright smile. “Wotcher Cuz. How's the notorious mass murdering life treating you recently?”  
Silence descended over the hallway. Sirius stared at his younger cousin, eyes widened in shock, then ever so slowly his mouth twitched into a smile before he threw his head back and barked a laugh that made Remus wince.  
“Come here.” Sirius grabbed Tonks roughly by the shoulders and pulled her into a quick hug. “So you’re little Nymphadora then. Blimey look at you. Look at her Moony”  
“mm” Remus nodded, resting his head against the bannister as the room began to dance in and out of focus.  
“Ignore Remus, Nymphadora. He’s a little hungover.”  
“You’re hilarious Padfoot.” There was something in Nymphadora’s eyes as they came to fall upon the werewolf, recognition and something very akin to pity. But still, she held his gaze as she offered him another bright smile.  
“Don't call me Nymphadora, Sirius. I hate it. What mum was thinking when she named me I’ll never know. It’s Tonks. Just Tonks. Only Tonks.”  
“Well then Only Tonks” Sirius gestured to the kitchen, turning to lead her down the corridor. “Moony, get the door will you. Now tell me how -“

CRASH.

Remus turned slowly to look at the source of the noise.There lay Tonks and Sirius, both sprawled on the floor, one of Tonks’ legs caught around the troll leg umbrella stand. Decades old umbrellas had strewn themselves across the floor, Remus was sure he saw something crawl out of one.  
Silence.  
Stunned, Remus stared down at the scene, holding his breath. He opened his mouth to speak, when -

“BLOOD TRAITORS, ABOMINATION, SHAME OF MY FLESH - ”

He clasped his hands to his ears to dim the explosion of sound. At the same time Sirius let out another bark of laughter from his position spread across the floorboards. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I’m always… I’m so clumsy. I'm sorry ” Tonks rambled as she pushed herself upright. “Here, let me help. I’m so sorry Sirius.”

“FILTHY HALF BREEDS! SCUM! -”

“It’s fine Tonks mate.” Now back on his feet Sirius turned to Remus who remained staring at the babbling auror with a small smile playing at the corner of his lips.“I’ll get the door, you get…her” He jerked his head in the direction of his mother's portrait before heading to the door and bolting it’s numerous locks.

“SHAPE SHIFTING FREAKS! MUTANT! BEGONE FROM THIS PLACE - ”

Remus grabbed hold of the battered curtains and attempted to pull them closed over the screaming portrait. An attempt that was greatly hindered by his aching arms resisting to being used quite so violently.

“HOW DARE YOU BEFOUL THE HOUSE OF MY FATHERS -”

“Here.” Tonks had grabbed the over side.  
Together they grappled with the curtains, until they were closed once more and the grotesque Mrs Black fell quiet behind them.  
“Lovely woman.” Tonks said conversationally  
“She was never particularly pleasant. Unfortunately it seems being dead has done nothing to improve Mrs Black deposition” Remus offered the witch a tired grin. Tonks grinned back, her eyes dancing with mischief. She held out her hand to Remus.  
“Nymphadora Tonks. Shapeshifting freak.”  
Remus took her hand, she had an oddly reassuringly firm hand shake. She knew, Remus mused, She knew and was still willing to shake his hand.  
“Remus Lupin.” He hesitated for half a second. “Filthy Halfbreed”  
Tonks threw her head back and laughed.  
“Nice to meet you Remus Lupin. Come on let’s get down stairs before Mad Eye skins me alive.”

For months afterwards, Remus could not explain why he had said it, why it had seemed so important to make her laugh. Only that it had. That it was. Years later, of course, he’d come to realise that when it came to Nymphadora Tonks, nothing he did made sense.


	3. Take Notes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick chapter focusing on Bill, Kingsley and Lupin.
> 
> Kingsley and Lupin do what they do.   
> Bill watches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4th November 1995

Bill kept absolutely still as the footsteps grew louder. Beside him, he could feel Kingsley breathing heavily, his hand clasped over his mouth to muffle the sound. Their eyes met quickly through the gloom, confirming what they both already knew.  
They were fucked.  
The footsteps continued quickly towards them, each footfall coinciding with the thudding of Bill’s heart. A trickle of sweat ran its way down his neck, his back, pooling at the base of his spine. He was uncomfortably hot crammed into the cupboard with Kingsley, closer than either man had ever wished to be. Neither of them were particularly small after all …but the same could not be said about the cupboard.  
The footsteps stopped right outside their hiding place.  
Through the crack in the hinges Bill caught a glimpse of battered shoes and the bottom of an incredibly shabby set of robes.  
“Kingsley?”  
The man in question stood up straighter and wrenched open the door.  
“Fucking hell Remus, you scared the shit out of us”  
“Sorry” and he did seem sorry. Then again, Bill mused, Lupin generally seemed sorry for one thing or another. Serious guilt complex, that one.  
“Did they see you?”  
“No. At least I don’t think so.” Lupin turned to look behind him, studying the corridor he’d just hurried down. “You don’t want me to prove it’s me?”  
“What’s Tonks’ middle name?” asked Kingsley quickly, shooting Lupin a knowing smirk as he too surveyed the corridor."Did you get the plans?"  
“Yes I did and er…Vulpecula”  
“Wait, really?” Bill couldn’t help himself. "Blimey and I thought Nymphadora was bad."   
“Yes, really…. But don’t tell her I told you, I’ve grown rather attached to my balls and I’d rather she didn’t have a reason to hex them off”  
If you had told Bill 6 months ago that he would be squatting in a cupboard, in a known Death Eaters hideout with Kingsley Shacklebolt and the werewolf professor his siblings had spoken so much about he wouldn't have believed you, if you had mentioned Remus Lupin’s casual conversation about his balls, he would have laughed himself silly. Because the Remus Lupin in Bill’s imagination, up until several weeks ago, was rather uptight and serious, quick to smile but slow to laugh. But, whilst it was true that Lupin kept himself to himself most of the time, Bill had come to find that not only was the man as intelligent as he seemed but he had a wicked sense of humour that seemed particularly prevalent in the most inappropriate of times.  
For example, this one.  
“What happened? Down there?” Bill asked, snapping back to where there were and what they were doing.  
“Nothing much, I’ll explain when we get out of here.” Lupin muttered “Come on”  
Lupin led them down the hallway, stopping at the end to check the coast was clear, then out of the window at the far end. The three of them crammed on the tiny window sill, Lupin turned back to Bill.  
“Not scared of heights are you Bill?” He asked conversationally.  
“No…why?”  
“Because we’re jumping,” Kingsley said, then he grabbed Bill by the bicep and jumped off the ledge with him.

  
He braced for impact, waited for the ground to reach up and shatter both of his knee caps.  
But the impact never came.  
Instead the ground dipped under him, springy and soft, before spitting him back out. He felt both of their hands reach out to steady him as he struggled to stay upright. They, it appeared, had had no such problems.  
“What…”  
“Cushioning charm” Lupin replied. He seemed confident that Bill had regained his footing for he dropped his arm quickly, almost apologetically, and turned to walk away. Bill wondered briefly if Lupin apologised to Tonks when he touched her, the thought would have been nearly comical if it wasn't, if Lupin’s life wasn't, so tragic. “One of Remus’ better ideas” As they hurried through the thicket of trees surrounding the decaying house, Kingsley’s smirk was evident even in the deep calm of his voice. Lupin shot him a withering look from under his greying fringe.  
“I never would have thought of that” Bill tried to keep the awe out of his voice. He imagined that he failed, but he generally did around these two. There was something about the pair of them, especially together, that he just couldn’t help but try to emulate. He had always thought himself rather level headed, supposing that 6 younger siblings would do that too a bloke, but since meeting Kingsley and Lupin, both of whom seemed to have pragmatic steeped into their very bones, he felt embarrassingly incompetent. If they agreed, if they too saw him as rash and ridiculous as some days he felt himself, they never let on. He felt that, at 25, he was too old for the concept of role models, had grown beyond the need of strong men to look up to. But in that moment, as the two of them strode through the forest as though there weren’t upwards of 15 death eaters behind them, ready to do them in should they make one wrong move, Bill wondered if maybe it was time to reconsider.  
“Even Mad Eye uses it, did he ever tell you Remus? He used to teach it in the office, never said where it came from of course but -“  
“It’s safe to apparate here”.And with that Lupin was gone.  
“He never could take a compliment”  
The trees dissolved around him as Bill turned on the spot and disappeared.

“I didn’t think you were in the order the first time?” He asked as himself and Kingsley reappeared at the end of the street at Grimmauld place. Across the green he could see Lupin letting himself into headquarters.  
“I wasn't,” Kingsley confirmed. “I went to school with Remus, three years above him.”  
“You’re older than…” Bill trailed off, eyebrows furrowed. He knew in theory that Lupin was not as old as the silvering flecks in his hair and his thousand yard stare made him seem sometimes, but he had a hard time grappling with it in practise.  
“Oh yeah. I was Head Boy, Remus was in detention almost constantly so I saw rather more of him than I wanted to. Spent more time with …. Snuffles, obviously. He was the worst of them, and James, but I’ve always got on quite well with Remus”  
There was a pause as Kingsley rifled through the pocket of his embroidered purple robes before pulling out a key and stuffing it into Number Twelve’s lock.  
“He was a little shit though”

“Where are these plans then Remus, I want to have a look before I report anything to Dumbledore” Kingsley said in a hushed tone as he side stepped around Lupin on his way to the kitchen.  
“Here” Lupin replied, pulling a tiny black folder from his back pocket before flicking his wrist and enlarging them. “They were not as secret as we’d expect them to be. Just laying out on the table, no one around. I’m not entirely sure they’re to be trusted Kingsley”  
“No one around at all?”  
“Only Pettigrew” spat Lupin, as though the word left a sour taste on his tongue. Which, Bill mused, it probably did.  
“He didn’t see me,” Lupin added quickly, catching the twitching of Kingsley’s eyebrows.  
“Wormtail was there?” Sirius’ voice was sharp behind him, making him jump and his quill fly along the page.  
“Stunned him in the back. Took the files. Woke him up. Got out of there” Lupin listed, almost bored.  
“Should have killed the little fucker” Hissed Sirius, his eyes narrowing as he regarded Lupin.  
“You’re telling me.” Lupin muttered darkly.  
“So you don’t think these are of any use?” Kingsley asked Lupin. Again Bill took the time to marvel in Kingsley’s innate ability to defuse the tension in the room.  
“Not necessarily. I just think it was too easy personally. If they were that important I imagine they would be better protected.” Lupin had turned back to Kingsley, offering the man his full attention as they continued to pour over the pages of maps in front of them.

The evening continued like that. Lupin and Kingsley looked at every inch of the parchment, talking intelligently, bouncing ideas off of each other with Bill watching attentively. And, as they took notes on the movements of Voldemort's army, Bill took notes on them.


	4. Little Talk.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something a little different. This will be the first of a few of these chapters, so let me know if you like it/ despise it/ feel like it's offended some deep part of you that you'll never get back. 
> 
> Remus and Sirius have a little talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> September 1995

“Do you ever think we should stop doing this?”

“Drinking? Probably”

“No.This. Fighting a war we won’t win”

“You don’t know that”

“Don’t I? We ‘won’ last time didn’t we”

“In theory”

“Exactly, We won and look where it got us. I mean, Look at us Remus. We were fucking brilliant weren’t we …. We should have been doing something. Could have done anything”

“You could maybe, I’m still a werewolf”

“-But we left school at 18 and immediately signed up to be Dumbledore’s canon fodder”

“…”

“And then…. And then, we did it again. Old Dumbles said jump and we didn’t even asked how high, we just did it”

“….”

“Like oh by the way Voldemort's back so, so, so, you should just… drop everything and…and-“

“Oh, did you have plans?”

“-And die for me”

“…”

“…”

“You know that’s not it.”

“Isn't it? I don’t know if you’ve noticed Remus but everyone out there wants both of us dead”

“No, I had noticed”

“Then what difference has it made? What good did winning do either of us? I haven’t left the house in months, MONTHS, because if I so much as take a step out that door they’ll toss me back in azkaban and throw away the key -”

“I won’t let that happen”

“- So what the fuck were we fighting for, huh? We did all of this already, I went through shit, you know… and you… you-“

“I remember”

“-you went through shit too. But here we are, just sat here, doing the same fucking things again and again. It’s exactly the same. People dying everywhere, people disappearing. It’s just like last time isn’t it?”

“…”

“How long until it’s Harry? I mean it should have already been Harry. He should have died in that fucking graveyard. And where were we? Where were we?”

“Sirius-”

“FUCKINg - What was it for? WHAT WAS THE POINT?”

“…”

“WHAT THE FUCK DID JAMES DIE FOR?”

“….”

“…”

“…”

“Why did he have to die?”

“I don’t know, Sirius”

“…”

“…”

“How’s your hand?”

“...”

“There’s still glass in it Sirius, let me look”

“...”

“...”

“I miss him”

“Me too mate”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	5. Not as Useless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hestia gets caught up in a fight, Sirius helps patch her up. 
> 
> I don't think we ever truly find out how old Hestia is, so I've decided she's a couple of years older than Sirius and Remus because the author is dead to me and I can do what I like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> May 1996

She had done a terrible job hiding the damage. As a healer, and a good one at that, she had expected more from herself. But the wound had been deep and the angle awkward, and so clutching her side, still bleeding more than she’d like, Hestia Jones apparated to Grimmauld Place. 

She hoped Molly was in, she could do with a biscuit as the matriarch worked her magic and healed her up. If Molly didn’t enjoy her life as a housewife so much, she’d make an excellent healer, Hestia thought. The idea seemed to bolster her as she fumbled with the many locks on the door to Headquarters. Yes, a biscuit and a good motherly talking would go down quite nicely. 

Of course, as she should have already guessed, today was not Hestia’s day. Instead of Molly greeting her as she hobbled over the threshold, Hestia found herself face to face with Sirius. A surly, pissed Sirius at that.   
“…What are you doing here?” The musty smell of old scotch seemed to radiate off of him as he stared at her. It made her nostrils twitch.   
“I don’t suppose Molly’s here is she?”   
“nope, left about an hour ago.” his voice was slurred and his eyes very slightly out of focus.   
“Oh right”   
Hestia tried to hide her uncomfortable shifting from foot to foot, she desperately needed to sit down again.   
“you can come down though, she left food. Moony’s here too but him and Tonks are pissing off soon for guard duty’   
Unsure of what to do, and wishing she had just gone home, Hestia followed him slowly down the stairs. If Sirius had noticed her odd gait, he hadn’t said a word. 

“Evening Hestia” Lupin smiled at her as she walked in, his eyes glancing up from the report in front of him quickly. Then they glanced up again. “What happened? Are you okay?” How could he tell from all the way over there?  Hestia couldn’t bring herself to speak, so she just nodded. And then quickly shook her head.   
“Malfoy,” she said simply.   
“Bastard” Sirius supplied from behind her.   
“Are you hurt?”   
“Only my side, I’ll be fine Lupin don’t fuss” but she winced as she spoke, offsetting her words, and Sirius, the stale smell growing so much stronger, dragged her into a chair with more grace than she’d expected from his drunken movements.   
“Let me see,” He said. She shook her head.   
“It’s fine. I just wondered if Molly was here, angles a bit funny see, but if she’s not I’ve got it covered”   
“you’re dripping on the floor,” Lupin said casually, as he walked to the cabinets and crouched down before them, searching for something.   
“Oh, bollocks” Sure enough, over the sound of Lupin rummaging in the cupboard, Hestia could hear the gentle drip drip drip of her blood on the floor. The wound must have opened itself on the short journey from the door to the kitchen  
“Hey Remus, you ready to go?” Tonks’ voice reached the kitchen before she did, using her foot to kick open the door as she shrugged into her jacket. “Mad Eye will have my arse on a plate if I’m late again….. Holy fuck”   
“Hi Tonks”   
“Wotcher. That looks badass. What did you do?” Tonks nodded to the red stain seeping through her shirt.   
“Malfoy caught me off guard” Hestia shrugged. “slicing hex by the feel of it”  
“Bastard”   
Lupin had turned back around, his arms full of an array of potions and bandages.   
“Dittany, Murtlap, Blood replenishing, bandages…. need anything else?” He said, laying his bounty on the table.   
“No.. no that’s good. Why do you even have all of that?”   
Lupin and Sirius exchanged a significant look over her head. Hestia felt her cheeks redden, whilst she, and everyone in the order, knew that Remus was a werewolf, It wasn’t really something any of them ever thought about. The idea made her shiver. She was relieved when Lupin decided not to answer her question.   
“What’s the time?” he asked, turning his attention quickly to Tonks.   
“6:25” She answered, glancing down at the battered watch on her wrist. “I don’t mind going it alone if you’re needed here” she jerked her head towards Hestia.   
“No no, I’m fine, seriously Remus. I’ve got this, you two sod off. You don’t mind if I stay here for a bit do you Sirius?”   
“‘Course not” Sirius slurred.   
“If you’re sure. Goodnight Hestia.”  
“Later Hestia!” Tonks called behind her as they hurried up the stairs.   
“I mean I’m here too” Sirius grumbled as they heard the door slam behind the pair.   
“Yeah but you’re not bleeding out on the floor and you literally live with the man”   
“yeah but I hardly see him, he’s always busy with the order or with her”   
“So something IS going on between them? Diggle owes me 5 galleons”   
“God knows”   
“Not jealous are you, Sirius?”  There was a pregnant pause. Sirius’ jaw seemed to clench.  
“lets see this thing, then” He gestured to her shirt.  A faint blush spread across her cheeks as she shifted her t-shirt and lifted it to reveal the wound, and most of her upper body. She watched Sirius’ eyes widened as he stared at the cut.   
“Well, how bad is it looking?”   
“Holy fuck…. give me a second.” And Sirius jumped up and hurried to the counter, where he picked up a tiny metal tin, opening it a popping what appeared to be a mint into his mouth. Funny time to get the hint, Hestia thought.   
“What was that about?” She asked as he threw himself back into his chair beside her.  
He shook his head, eyes scrunched up as if in pain, then his features relaxed again.   
“Sobering Mints.” He answered.Oh, it was that bad then. “Fucking vile. Let’s fix this thing then shall we.”  He reached for the items Lupin had left on the table, and began to gently, far more gently than Hestia would have expected, apply the dittany to her wound.   
It occurred to her, as she sat there, with her t-shirt yanked up to her shoulders as convicted mass murderer Sirius Black dabbed at her side, that she should be uncomfortable. But she wasn’t. Sirius made casual conversation as he worked, following her instructions, apologising when she winced and grinning when she rolled her eyes at him.  
“If I’d have known this was going to happen, I’d have worn my nice bra” She joked as he started to wrap the bandage around her middle.  
“This one isn’t nice?” She could hear the smirk in his voice   
“Not comparatively”   
“Damn... Well I like it”   
“You’re truly incapable of not flirting aren’t you Black”   
“You definitely started it this time…but yeah” He looked up at her and winked. She felt her face flush again. He really was still remarkably attractive- even after Azkaban had dulled the life from his eyes.   
“So, Remus and Tonks. Tell me everything you know” She said conspiratorially, distracting herself from the intensity of his gaze.   
“He’s head over heels for her, she feels the same way yada yada everything’s great” he sighed.   
“so, what’s your problem then?”   
“I don’t have a problem,” he said softly. Hestia raised her eyebrows as she looked down at him. “He’s the only friend I’ve got, you know? don’t want to lose him.”   
“I don’t think you will Sirius”   
“maybe not, but they’ll get married, have a kid, then die. It’s how it goes right. And I’ll still be stuck here” He shrugged. “She makes him happy though, fuck knows Moony needs that… There, all done.”   
He stuck the bandage down against itself and sat up straighter in his chair.   
“That wasn’t so bad.” Hestia said as she adjusted her top back down.   
“Not as useless as everyone thinks aye.”   
“No…I guess you’re not.” She was surprised to find she meant it. “Thanks Sirius”   
“Any time.” He said lounging back in his chair, flicking his wand to make a bottle of fire whiskey zoom towards him. She supposed she should tell him that no one really thought he was useless, that every knew, understood even, why he had to stay in the house 24/7. But she found the words just wouldn't come. Instead, she summoned a bottle of Butterbeer to her and grinned back at him.   
He raised the bottle towards her in mock salute, then took a deep swig. 


	6. Superheros

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short little Bill and Molly moment whilst Arthur fights for his life in the next room.

When he was a kid, growing up in the middle of the first war with Voldemort, he had believed his father to be immortal. Or he would have, if he knew what it meant. Instead, he was just sure that his father would never, and in fact could never, die.  
It all stemmed from the night Death Eaters had attacked Ottery St Catchpole.  
He remembered his mother's panicked voice as she told him to get away from the window, to look away from the carnage and the terror going on outside. But he couldn’t, he just kept staring as buildings went up in flames, as the dark mark shone bright over the rooftops adding an eerie green tinge to the roar of the fires. It wasn’t long until the burrow, having so recently received its third story with the arrival of Percy, had joined the rest of the village and succumbed to the fire. His mother had grabbed Percy, wrapped him in a blanket held close to her chest and shepherded the three of them outside whilst his father, still in his ministry uniform, had followed behind battling the flames as he went. Somehow, and to this day neither himself nor Charlie really understood it, Charlie had ended up back inside the house. His father had wasted no time in sprinting straight back into the burning building with no regard for himself and returned victorious and smouldering with Charlie under one arm (Despite his love of dragons,Charlie still feared fire more than anything else). Arthurs cloak had been on fire, threatening to engulf his entire person, and he had barely flinched as he put it out with his wand. He looked, in Bills 5 year old eyes, like a superhero, and Superheroes, Bill had thought, could never die.   
He hadn’t really believed his father to be a superhero for many many years now. But a tiny part of him held on to the belief that Arthur Weasley would never die.   
So to be sat, so many years later, in an uncomfortable plastic chair in the St Mungos waiting room seemed unfathomable.  
He had arrived 3 hours ago. He had wasted no time with the woman at the reception desk and instead sprinted through the hospital to where his mother had told him she would be. With every step his mind seemed to reverberate with the idea that he was too late, that by the time he reached him, his father would be dead. The relief that had washed over him as his mother had told him that he wasn’t dead yet, had lasted but a second. The word yet seemed to swim in front of his eyes as they sat there clinging to each other.   
“He’ll be alright mum.” Bill said, squeezing his mother's hand tighter, trying to fill the soul crushing silence with empty words. She nodded, but her eyes stayed glued to the wall in front of her, almost impossibly bright with the tears she refused to shed.  
Bill knew how she felt. His throat burned, and his hands shook but if he cried, If he let the universe see how scared he was, it would mean admitting to it that they’d lost, and when it was his father's life that was at stake it was a game Bill would not risk losing.   
“Do you want tea?” Bill asked. The lack of response was not at all surprising. They resumed their watch of the wall. The silence seemed to stretch before them both, so empty yet so full of their terror that he could hardly stand it.   
“I used to think Dad was a superhero, you know,” Bill said at last. His voice creaked with every word “used to think that there was never a problem he couldn’t solve. When I was struggling with my transfiguration homework, he’d come home from work every evening during that summer, and sit down at the table with me and talk me through every single bit. He never got mad at me, never acted as though I should have known it, he just… explained it all. We must have written the best damn mouse to snuffbox transfiguration essay Mcgonagall ever read.”   
Molly gave a watery chuckle.   
“And when I found out that Julia Reed had been sleeping with Johnny Mclaggen behind my back for a whole year, He listened to me complain and whine and cry for months. He always replied to my letters, no matter how repetitive they became. And he does the same for Charlie, and…and Fred and George,Ron and Ginny. All of us. Never a problem too big or too small.”  
If his mother had noticed the absence of Percy’s name, she said nothing.   
“And now, he’s joined the Order of the Phoenix he’s trying to make the world better when he could have kept his mouth shut and got that promotion he’s always wanted. But he would never….”   
Molly’s eyes finally left the wall and flicked towards him, Bill stared resolutely ahead of him as if he stopped now he’d never get to finish what he started.  
“I guess what I’m saying is, he’s still a superhero to us. So it's got to be fine.” He finished definitely. Beside him, Molly grasped his hand tighter. He could feel her shoulders shaking with repressed sobs and wondered if he had preferred the silence more.   
“He’s always been so very good with you” Molly whispered, her voice hoarse. “So very good.”   
The heavy white door to the room opposite them slid open with a creak of hinges and a healer, dressed in pristine lime green robes, stepped out into the corridor.   
“Molly Weasley?” she said, peeling off her latex gloves to shake Molly by the hand. “Healer Smythe.” She dropped her gloves in the bin by the door.   
“How is he?” Molly and Bill asked together.   
The healer smiled widely. “He’s going to be okay.”   
The Weasley's relief was palpable in the air.   
“He’s lost a lot of blood of course, and the wound will need to be carefully monitored as it begins healing.”   
“you mean you can’t just heal the bite?” Bill wondered.   
“The venom in the bite seems to be extremely potent, we’ve managed to get most of it out of Arthur’s system but some remains within the wound itself- We’re not too worried about it” She clarified quickly as Molly opened her mouth, horrified. “It’s entirely normal in cases like this and will leave the wound as it heals, completely on its own.”   
“Can we see him?”   
“Yes, feel free to head on through. He’s incredibly tired and was dozing off when I left, but by all means.” Healer Smythe offered them both a smile, before turning on her heel and walking off down the corridor.   
“He’s alright, Mum, he’s going to be okay” Molly’s hug seemed to knock the wind out of him whilst threatening to break his ribs with its intensity. Bill didn’t mind as he clung to his mother just as hard, feeling her tears begin to soak through his shirt.   
Molly pulled away from the hug, wiping her eyes on a handkerchief, and smiled at him.   
“Of course he’s going to be okay, He’s a superhero.” And with that she hurried into Arthurs hospital room.


	7. Real Shame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whilst watching Harry, Tonks finds out that Remus really hates the Dursleys

Tonks shifted uncomfortably on the brick wall underneath her. The bricks were oddly sharp in places which dug into the backs of her thighs through her jeans and, despite the heat in the air, were oddly cool.   
Her arse had started to go numb.   
Remus Lupin sat stock still beside her. The invisibility cloak that covered them both had meant that they were far closer than they would have normally sat, breathing in each others hot breath. Tonks could tell that, by the time they both come to move, their arms would be stuck together. Strange developing crush on Lupin aside, it wasn’t a pleasant thought.   
“Are you as sweaty as I am?” She murmured out the corner of her mouth.   
“Oh yes” Lupin answered, his nose wrinkling in displeasure.   
They had been sat, on the wall opposite Privet Drive for about 3 hours, and the sun had now finished its dip beneath the horizon, the street lamps were beginning to flicker into life around them. It was, in Tonk’s opinion, still too bloody hot. Harry Potter seemed to agree, as he still lay where Kingsley had told them he was before they arrived, flat on his back in the bush beside the Dursley’s house.  
“Is he still in the bush?”. She felt, rather than saw, Remus nod in confirmation. They really were far too close to each other.   
“How can you tell?”  
“His shoes are white”   
“….”  
“I can see them through the bush?”   
“Oh.”   
They lapsed back into companionable silence. Tonks drummed her wand gently against her thigh absentmindedly as Dudley Dursley turned the corner and began to amble his way up the street towards them. As if sensing his cousin was near, Harry began to slowly emerge for the rhododendron bush, brushing dirt and leaves from the backs of his trousers as he stood. A lone petal, shrivelled and dead, clung stubbornly to his hair.  
Remus and Tonks watched as the cousins stared at each other for a brief moment.   
“ What were you doing in there?” They heard Dudley ask, his voice carrying easily across the road.   
“None of your business”   
“Whatever freak.” Dudley shoved his key in the lock and shouldered open the door. Before Harry could follow him in however, Dudley had shot a leg out behind him. It connected with Harry's stomach and left him sprawled on the ground. Tonks felt Remus tense slightly beside her and shot him a quick warning glance out of the corner of her eye. Dudley waited until Harry was upright again, before slamming the door in his face. He stood looking at the door for the briefest of moments, before reaching a hand up and knocking.Then he knocked again. And again. Finally the door was wrenched open and a thin woman with a face like a horse stood there with her hands on her hips. Tonks presumed this must be Petunia, she already despised the woman.  
“Well?” She asked through pursed lips.   
“Can I come in?” Harry shrugged. Petunia looked Harry up and down, taking in the dirt that clung to his clothes despite his best effort and the petal still stuck in his hair, before grabbing his arm roughly and dragging the boy inside.  
Remus stiffened beside her once more.   
“Get in here” She paused only to throw a quick glance up and down the street to check the neighbours hadn’t seen them, before closing the door with a snap.

The street was now deserted as darkness properly enveloped Privet Drive, the sounds of cars on adjacent streets few and far between.   
“Well she seems nice.” Tonks said.  
Remus snorted disbelievingly and said nothing, a faint frown line had appeared between his eyebrows as he continued to look at Number 4.   
“You know, I’ve been following the boy for about 2 weeks and I still have no idea what he looks like from the front. Does he even have a face? I honestly couldn’t tell you. But I can tell you his favourite swing to pout on and his favourite bush to…do whatever the hell he was doing in there”   
“I can confirm that he does have a face”   
“No way”   
“Yeah, He has a nose and eyes and everything.”   
“Crazy. Who would have thought it, the famous Harry Potter has a nose”   
“And eyes”  
Remus had finally dragged his own eyes away from the door of the Dursley’s house and instead had turned them towards Tonks. She tried not to look at them too hard, tried not to notice the way the laughter danced in them nor the way the street lights were reflected in them. Honestly, She did try.   
“It’s his birthday you know” Remus said as his gaze returned back to number 4. “15 today”   
“Bloody hell, the kid spent his 15th birthday lying in a bush?”   
“Apparently so. Though Kingsley said he did go to his favourite swing at some point though”   
“Ugh. Being stuck here for his birthday. Pretty rough” Tonks replied, staring around at the neatly trimmed lawned and polished cars that dotted Privet Drive. It made her shudder. She’d never been one for suburbia.   
“Most of his life has been pretty rough to be honest.” Remus said finally, The frown line was back. “Even if you take away all of the things Voldemort is responsible for” Tonks tried her hardest not to wince “living here….”   
He trailed off, his eyes had glazed over.   
“They seem like the worst possible people”   
“They do, don’t they.” Remus agreed. “I thought he’d be well cared for here, when Dumbledore told me where he was having Harry taken following Lily and James deaths.”   
“Did you try and contact him? when he was little I mean.”   
“No.” His eyes flicked down to his hands, which were now scrunched in his lap. “Dumbledore asked me not to… and I agreed it was best.”   
Harry’s aunt and uncle’s bedroom light flickered on and the pair watched as Vernon Dursley traipsed into the room and tugged the curtains closed.   
“I’m not sure if I was wrong… But somebody should have checked up on him.”  
“Yeah” Tonks said, and then. “What’s he like?”   
“He’s… bright, far brighter than I think he realises.”   
“Sirius mentioned he could produce a Patronus?”   
“He can. Corporeal and everything.”   
“Blimey, that’s a thing to be able to do at 15.” Tonks had been incredibly proud at 18 of being the first person in Auror training to manage to pull it off. It seemed a bit of an empty accomplishment now.   
“13”   
“huh?”   
“He was 13 when he managed it. Incredibly impressive.” He was smiling slightly now, the barest hint of pride playing at the corner of his lips.   
“I take it you taught him how then” She grinned up at him.   
“Well I was there at any rate. He fell off of his broom, and the whomping willow destroyed it -“   
“- and you felt like it was your fault?”   
“… Yes” she felt him chuckle softly. “I mentioned the Patronus charm and he was adamant that he learn how to do it, in case dementors turned up at the next Quidditch match and ruined Gryffindors chances for the cup. That was what he was concerned about, not his own safety - the Quidditch cup”   
“Well it is very important”   
“What would you know about it? Hufflepuff haven’t won the cup since 1832” Tonks stuck her tongue out at him.   
“We try hard though” She retorted “and how the hell do you know when we won the cup?”   
“I read” Remus shrugged.   
“He’s pretty impressive then” Tonks said, nodding her head towards the Dursley’s house where all the lights were now off.   
“ Sure. He doubts himself though… I guess you would living here most of your life”   
“ And having to come back every fucking summer.”   
“Exactly”  
They returned to the companionable silence but the crease between Remus’ eyebrows seemed deeper than ever.  
“They seem very attached to their cars on this road.” Tonks said, her eyes twinkled mischievously.   
“I suppose they do,” Remus replied, eyeing her wearily.   
“Would be a shame if something was to happen to old Dursley’s wouldn’t it?” Remus stared at her for a moment, his eyebrows raised almost imperceptibly.  
“Those tyres do look pretty vulnerable” He agreed at last.   
“Would be a real shame if something was to happen to them” Tonks reached down and slipped the small knife she carried out of it’s holder around her ankle. She handed it to him.  
“Real, Real shame”  
And with that, Remus was emerging from the invisibility cloak, unsticking their arms first, and creeping across the road to crouch down behind one of the bushes in Number 4’s garden.   
Tonks watched him, her shoulders shaking in silent laughter, and he stalked slowly towards Vernon Dursley’s car, before sticking the knife straight into the tyre. Clearly satisfied with his work, Remus went to hurry back to Tonks, but stopped midway, eyes alight with something Tonks had never seen in them before, and returned to the car to slash another tyre. 

“Feel better?” Tonks asked when they were both situated under the cloak again.   
“Slightly” Remus nodded.   
“Why slash two?” She smirked at him “Enjoy it, Professor?”   
“In case he has a spare” He chuckled low, and Tonks pretended she didn’t feel the pleasurable shiver that ran up her spine at the sound. “Why the knife?”   
“Mad Eyes orders. In case of Emergencies…like this one.”   
He simply beamed at her in response. 

When Sirius had mentioned, several days later, that Harry had told him Vernon Dursley’s car had been vandalised the night they were supposed to be guarding him, it took all of Tonks’ will power to retain her poker face.  
Remus had no such trouble, however. Regarding Sirius with a slightly raised eyebrow, he simply shrugged.  
“I guess these things just happen”.


	8. Little Talk 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Remus have another Little Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> September 1995

“This is vile” 

“I found it in the back of the cupboard, just be happy it hasn’t turned out to be Kreacher’s piss” 

“Are we sure it’s not?”

“Well I’m not now… but what’s a little house elf urine between friends.” 

“…” 

“Nah my mother used to drink this shit at the annual pure blood circle jerk, I think we’re safe… Age has done it no favours though” 

“It and me both”

“I know, I can hear your knees crack from three floors up.” 

“Lycanthropy - Killer on the prospects and the joints.” 

“Oh we are maudlin this evening. You know Moons, it's not all bad, You’re looking rather attractive these days. Got that kind of silver fox thing going on. Kind of hot” 

“…” 

“This is the part where you either say thank you or repay the compliment” 

“We both know I’m going to do neither” 

“Worth a try. Seriously though, if you weren’t you, I would” 

“ Given you’ve been in Azkaban for 12 years and ‘you would’ anything that stood still long enough, I trust you won’t take offence when I tell you that I don’t find that particularly comforting… what do you mean if I weren’t me?” 

“I mean, the fact you’re basically my brother aside, I’ve watched you down an entire bottle of rum, ugly sobbing I might add, and then vomit straight into James’ shoes. I’ll never find anything you do attractive after that. 

“Thats fair.” 

“What brought this on, anyway?” 

“…” 

“Don’t give me that look, What's happened?” 

“Nothing has happened Sirius.” 

“You’re lying.” 

“Seriously, nothing happened. I’m just tired.” 

“So it has nothing to do with the Prophet article I saw earlier that mentioned you by name? or the overdue bill you tried to hide this morning? or the way you’re trying to pretend you don’t spend every order meeting trying not to stare all doe-eyed at Tonks. None of that no?” 

“…”

“…” 

“… I don’t stare at Tonks” 

“So that’s your problem” 

“I’d say they’re all part of the same problem really” 

“What’s that?” 

“Me.” 

“…” 

“…” 

“That’s the most depressing thing I’ve ever heard you say.” 

“I’ve got 12 years to make up for” 

“ …”

“…”

“I take it back, the more you drink of this shit the worse it gets. How are you still drinking it?” 

“…” 

“… You know, she looks at you too. Tonks I mean” 

“Don’t be stupid” 

“I’m not, she does the same fucking thing you do. I swear sitting opposite you two at meetings is like watching an incredibly secretive match of tebbis”

“Tennis” 

“That’s what I said” 

"..." 

"..." 

“…Why would SHE look at me.” 

“Why not?” 

“I’m decades older than her -“ 

“- 13 years” 

“ I can’t hold a job to save my life, the holes in my clothes have holes -“ 

“-I keep telling you I’ll buy you new clothes” 

“-and… and” 

“And?” 

“…” 

“Come on Remus, spit it out” 

“ I’m a monster.” 

“…” 

“…” 

“Fucking hell.” 

“…” 

“ you really believe that” 

“…” 

“I know you’ve always said the wolf- … I always thought it was just a thing that some idiots believed, that it was really shit people thought it but it didn’t really change anything” 

“It changes everything” 

“…. you really believe it now” 

“I’ve always believed it” 

“No. Not like this.” 

“…” 

“…” 

“I’m just tired.”

“I know mate … I mean it about Tonks though. You should talk to her”

“…I should head to bed, I’m due in Cornwall in 6 hours.” 

“Right.” 

“‘night” 

“Remus?…” 

“Yes?” 

“…It’s not going to kill you to let someone in.” 

“Goodnight, Padfoot.” 

“…Goodnight”


	9. Silent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really wish we knew more about Sturgis Podmore man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 30th August 1995

The corridor leading to the department of mysteries was eerie and far colder than it had any right to be. The heavy black door seemed to swim in front of him as the fatigue set in deep into his bones. It had been too long since Sturgis had pulled an all nighter, and longer still that he had attempted any kind of guard duty. His eyes had never burned this bad before, and the cold didn’t creep in quite as bitterly nor as quickly.  
He was getting old, he concluded. But if he was getting old it meant that Kingsley, Lupin and Black were also getting old,and the thought cheered him for a moment. They were no longer the bright eyed boys they were during the first war. No longer so stead fast-idly sure of their victory. Not this time round. Just as well, he thought, if this war was going to be fought through guard duties and reconnaissance missions he was going to be no help.  
He should have said no. When Lupin turned up on his doorstep 3 months ago, pale under greying hair, eyes black from lack of sleep, he should have said no. He had a daughter to think about now, whether he only saw her every other weekend or not, he should have put her first. What would she do if he was killed? It didn’t bear thinking about.   
So Sturgis simply didn’t think about it. He pushed the thought out of his mind and continued to peer around the empty corridor. 

He should have brought a book, something to stop his mind wandering to the dark places it used to after the first war. The recovery from those battles, from seeing the brutal murders of his comrades, had taken years. Years of therapy and nightmares and using alcohol as a crutch. And yet, Sturgis would look into Sirius’ eyes, or Remus’, and realise how lucky he had been. He would take endless nightmares to the merest suggestion of a stint in Azkaban thank you very much.   
And he had recovered, he had come to learn that his happiness was nothing that he should feel guilty for. Just because he could still smile and  
Fabian  
Gideon  
Benjy  
Marlene  
Dorcus  
Lily  
James  
Cardoc   
were cold in their graves.

Something moved at the far end of the corridor, snapping him back to the present. Sturgis froze, stock still, barely breathing.   
There it was again, the mere swish of a cloak, gentle against the polished floor. Then footsteps, hurried and purposeful. They were heading not, Sturgis realised, to door but to him. He grasped his wand. His lips formed the beginning of a swear -

-and then his mind went blissfully blank. 

The chair beneath him was uncomfortable and he had no recollection of how on earth he managed to end up sitting in it, 4 floors above the department of mysteries in a dingy interrogation room within the auror office. Or at least, that’s where he assumed he was judging by the scarlett robes and polished boots that appeared within his eye line.   
Scarlet robes …and mismatched socks.   
“Podmore” Relief hit Sturgis like a tidal wave, washing over him in great swathes. Someone from the order was here, whatever had happened, it was going to be alright. He raised his head to meet Tonks’ eyes, and the relief vanished as quickly as it had come. Her eyes were full of fear and guilt, her face so pale her pink hair looked absurd. She looked on the verge of tears.   
“Podmore” she repeated, gravely. “Mind telling us exactly what you were doing in the Department of Mysteries at 4am this morning?”   
“…No”   
“We know what you were doing, don’t we, Podmore. You’re working for Dumbledore. Trying to get the Ministry’s secrets aren’t you?” Accused the man next to Tonks. His greying hair hung in his eyes as he stared down at Sturgis.   
“I…No…I was just…”   
“Just What? Going for a midnight stroll through a forbidden corridor?” barked Dawlish, hands resting on the table in front of him. He was like an animal, Sturgis thought, leering down at his prey. “Don’t play dumb with me Podmore, You fought in the Order of Phoenix. Oh yes, we know all about that. We know Dumbledore says jump and the Order of the Phoenix are the lackeys ready to ask how high, aren’t you. You’re back with him now, aren’t you.”   
There was nothing he could do to save himself, and given Dawlish’s conviction of his position with Dumbledore, certainly nothing Tonks could do. Spies in the ministry were incredibly valuable to the Order, and none so much as Kingsley and Tonks. Mad Eye’s number one rule - Protect the spy. 

So Sturgis stayed silent. 

He stayed silent as Dawlish continued his tirade. He stayed silent as Cornelius Fudge entered, all pomp and airs, instructing them to take him to Azkaban. He stayed silent as Tonks’ shaking hand came to grasp him about the arm as they dragged him out of the room, as all of his hopes and dreams and plans came crumbling down around him. Any hope of seeing his daughter dashed to smithereens upon the rocks of the reality within his cold dark space in Azkaban. 

“I’m so sorry Sturgis.” Tonks whispered through closed lips as she closed the door to his cell. Caging him in for good. 

Sturgis stayed silent.


	10. Advance Guard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> August 1995

“Sirius. Calm down”  
If there was one thing, well really there were several, that could make Sirius Black fly off the handle, it was being told to calm down.  
Especially by Remus.  
Especially when Harry was in danger, when Harry had been set upon by dementors and left to fend for himself.  
Especially when he knew that ,under that stuffy cardigan and stiff upper lip, Remus Lupin’s blood was boiling. 

“Calm down? Have you lost your fucking mind Remus. The kid’s been attacked by dementors and you’re all still sat there twiddling your thumbs. Harry’s probably still in danger and you’re telling me to CALM DOWN?” 

“…Yes. I am.” Sirius could have punched him, right there in front of the whole Order. In fact, if it wasn’t for Dumbledore choosing that very moment to sweep in to the kitchen, he might well have done. 

“So what’s the plan?” Sirius asked immediately “we’re getting him out tonight, yes? I know I told him to stay put but I can’t imagine he’d be okay with doing that for more than a couple of hours. So who’s going to get him?” 

Dumbledore held up a hand to silence him, raising an eyebrow silently when his babbling didn’t come to an immediate halt.  
“No, Sirius. I will not be moving Harry tonight.” Sirius' mouth dropped open in indignation, hands balling into fists upon the table. “As you put it, there is a chance that Harry is still in danger, and most likely still being watched. Whether by the Ministry or Voldemort himself we cannot be certain -“ 

“But-“ 

“- And so Privet Drive is ultimately the safest place he could be.” 

“Oh of course because it’s been really safe so far. He’s been there a month and someones sending Dementors after him. Clearly, Dumbledore, He is not as safe there as you keep saying. He shouldn’t be there, he- “ He trailed off. How could he explain the damage that being stuck in a house you weren’t wanted caused to someone so adamant against hearing the truth. If it had been up to him, and every day he cursed the very idea that it wasn’t, Harry would never spend another minute in that house. 

“I agree with you Sirius,” Sirius eyes widened, He didn’t think that Dumbledore had ever agreed with him. “Harry should not be there, and if it wasn’t for the blood protection Petunia Dursley provides him with he wouldn’t have to return at all” 

“If he was here he wouldn’t need the Blood Protection, there’s far more protections on this hell hole than there is at his uncles house.” 

Everyone’s eyes swivelled backwards and forwards between the two wizards. Remus had leant forward in his chair, elbows coming to rest upon the table as he regarded the scene.

“That is ,in fact, why I am here. Harry has been at his Aunt and Uncles house long enough this summer. I believe it prudent to remove him as soon as possible. The only question is how to do so without raising suspicion” 

Several brows around the table creased in thought, Sirius watched as Tonks began to bite the skin around her thumb, seemingly lost in thought. 

“We could send someone to apparate side-along with him” Squeaked Dedalus Diggle, looking around eagerly. “I’d be more than happy to Albus.” 

“Thank you, Dedalus, but given Harry’s current predicament with the Ministry, I would like to retrieve him with as little magic as possible” 

“You want to do it without magic?” Asked Emmeline Vance, wrinkling her nose in distaste as if she’d never heard of such a thing. Sirius too felt his brow furrow. The quicker the method of transportation the better in his mind. Why faff around trying to get around the ministry when they could grab Harry and run and no one need be any the wiser? 

“I think it wise, to avoid providing Cornelius with any other ammunition to use against Harry at his hearing. Under-age magic of any kind must be avoided if possible, even if it is completely legal” 

“And he’s already proved he doesn’t give a fuck about what’s legal hasn’t he?” Tonks said, and then, as though realising she’d just sworn in front of Albus Dumbledore, blushed scarlet and promptly closed her mouth again. Sirius fought back a snigger. 

“Well, precisely Nymphadora” Dumbledore inclined his head in her direction briefly 

“There's always a portkey?” Suggested Hestia Jones. Sirius rolled his eyes. 

“Too Ministry involved. If we’re trying to sneak Harry off to the headquarters of a secret organisation we can hardly go swanning into the Department of Magical Transportation and ask for a portkey can we.” Sirius said. “What about cars Dumbledore, Remus can drive and Harry wouldn’t mind going with him.” 

Sirius remembered Remus’ old beat up chevy, gifted to him on his 16th birthday mere weeks before his mother passed away. He had loved that car, mostly used to escort himself and the marauders back after the full moon when the muscles aches and exhaustion had made Apparition nearly impossible if not down right deadly. The summer they left Hogwarts was full of memories of driving down motorways, windows open, with Queen blaring from the stuttering radio. Sirius wondered what Remus had done with the car, and although he knew the answer would most likely be “sold it for rent money” he vowed to ask him later. 

“I’ve not driven for over 15 years Sirius, and besides where would we get a car from?” Mused Remus quietly. Sirius watched as Arthur opened his mouth excitedly, as if to speak, only to close it again after a stern look from his wife. “What about brooms Albus? Harry’s an excellent flyer after all. Untraceable and completely magic free” 

Dumbledore considered Remus over his half moon spectacles, his long silvery beard twitching as a small smile began to spread across his face. 

“Yes. Yes I quite agree. Brooms would be the best option. Thank you, Remus.” Remus didn’t smile, but nodded his head once in acknowledgment. Sirius fought back a grin at the gesture, the only proof he would get that Remus was just as pissed off as he was. 

“We need some kind of task force on the boy. Don’t trust these Death Eaters not to be lurking just out of sight. If we’re doing brooms Albus, we need a guard” Growled Mad Eye from his seat in the corner. “I’ll go with Lupin, seems like the boy trusts him, and after this year he might need some persuading if I turned up on the doorstep. And Tonks, we might need broom combat, we need someone who can withstand a good few hexes in the air.” 

“Cheers” Tonks muttered, but nodded her agreement all the same, sharing a small smile with Remus. Sirius would have to ask about that later too. 

“And then Volunteers.” Mad Eye said, his magical eye flicking from face to face around the table as if sizing them all up. 

“Very well. Any volunteers to escort Harry?” 

Nearly every hand at the table went up, except Mundungus’ who ,Sirius noted, seemed to be set on attempting to blend in with the blackened wall behind him. It would have been working too, if he couldn’t smell the man from several seats away. 

“Good. That's Jones, Vance, Diggle, Doge, Podmore, Shacklebolt. You come with myself, Lupin and Tonks and then that leaves the rest of you as the Rear Guard. We’ll need you stationed somewhere to take over in case one of us is killed - ” 

“And what of Harry’s Aunt and Uncle Albus? I presume they wouldn’t be too eager to allow us to fly from their back garden” Asked Remus softly, cutting Mad Eye off before he could really get going.

“I say we just walk in, grab Potter and leave. If they try to make a scene we’ll do what needs to be done” snarled Mad Eye. Molly’s eyes widened in alarm, Emmeline shifted her chair slightly further away from him. Sirius caught Remus’ eye across the table and shrugged. 

“Murders a great plan and all Mad Eye but…why don’t we just… lure them out?” suggested Tonks, leaning forward in her chair so her hair, blue today, tickled the table top. 

“How?” Sirius snorted 

“I don’t know. We can… send them a letter via muggle post. Tell them they’ve won some pretentious competition or something.” Tonks’ eyes darted back to Remus, her eyes alight with mischief, Sirius would really have to pry more later, he decided. “The Best Kept Suburban Lawn Competition. They’ll head out to the prize draw, we’ll sneak in and grab Harry and be gone before they realise it’s complete bollocks.” 

A ripple of laughter spread over the kitchen. Sirius could have kissed her, another subtle glance at Remus told him he might not be the only one.  
Dumbledore chuckled appreciatively too, giving Tonks a bright smile, before turning back to the room at large. 

“Excellent.Thursday, 5pm then. Alastor if you could finalise the details. Thank you all.” And with one last look at them all, turned on his heel and disappeared. 

“I don’t see why I can’t come with you” Sirius said to Remus some hours later as the two, and Tonks, sat in the drawing room. The Advance Guard, and the Rear, had been briefed and the letter to the Dursley’s had been penned and signed by Tonks, before Remus had sent it through the Muggle post.

“Really Sirius?” Asked Remus exasperatedly, Tonks snorted. “You’re telling me you can’t see a problem with you, convicted mass murderer as you are, just popping along to Privet Drive?” 

“I’d transform” Sirius shrugged, as though it was obvious. 

“…You’d transform?” He wondered if Remus was being purposefully dim.

“How would you fly a broom as dog?” mused Tonks, leaning back on the sofa to stare at the ceiling. Ah, so maybe Sirius hadn’t thought this through entirely. Or, if he was honest with himself, at all. He felt his skin begin to itch again, the desire to shout and scream reaching fever pitch once more. Didn’t they understand what it was like to spend all day every day pacing the same floors you’d despised as a child. Didn’t they understand what it felt like to be caged in all the time. His hot headedness had always been a problem, ever since he was a small boy, but now it seemed the slightest thing could, and generally would, send him into a towering rage.

“Okay fine. I’ll stay here. Happy? I’ll stay in this fucking house until I die. I’ll be a good boy and do what Dumbledore says and -“

“Harry will be here in 3 days Sirius. That’s all. 3 days” Remus cut him off gently, gazing at him over the rim of his wine glass in a startlingly Dumbledore- esque fashion. Fucking hell, they truly had gotten old. Remus had at any rate, he thought. 

“And that! Three days! He’s going to leave the kid there for 3 days and we should all be okay with that?” 

“I don’t like it anymore than you do Sirius, But Dumbledore believes-” Sirius let out a grunt of derision “-Dumbledore believes that Harry will be safer this way. And you have to admit Padfoot, he has a point. Voldemort could be watching him even now. Or the Ministry could. If all it takes is 3 days to keep Harry safe, I’m all for it, and I know you are too.” Remus finished with a shrug of bony shoulders.  
They lapsed into silence, Remus returning to his glass of wine with more far more concentration than it required. Sirius sat glaring into the fire, knowing that Remus, and in turn Dumbledore, was right and hating every second of it. Tonks continued her inspection of the ceiling with a small frown on her face, before deciding she could bear the suffocating stillness in the room no longer and, turning her twinkling eyes towards Sirius said, said “So, CAN you fly as a dog?” 

His anger had, it seemed, fizzled out as quickly as it came. 10 minutes later he lay in a pile on the floor, four padded feet in the air, tail thumping against the dusty carpet as he concluded that, despite his determination and seemingly ingenious idea to wrap said tail around the broomstick, he could not fly as a dog.  
He hated when Remus was right.


End file.
